Damn the world, buy your own damn ring

12 Jul

There comes a time in a woman’s life when she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. That time when people start getting worried on her behalf because no guy has popped the big question yet; that time when people begin to hear the raging tick-tock of her biological clock; that time when people wonder how long they would have to wait before they would adorn another aso ebi.

When that time comes, a woman should explore her options: She could show that she cares about what people say by listening to their advice on how to catch a man; she could also attend the deliverance services they recommend to rid herself of demonic spirit of spinsterhood preventing her from becoming someone’s wife. Doesn’t she know that a woman can never be complete until she is married?

She could also listen to the profound words of her advisers that that she is too uppity and choosy when it comes to guys. Shouldn’t she consider lowering her standards every once in a while? She is even too vocal; must she always talk? Must she always prove a point? Why can’t she be submissive? Guys love ’em submissive. Even the Bible, which calls her a weaker vessel, says she should be submissive. In fact, submissive should be her middle name. Or has she forgotten that she is ‘only’ a woman? She shouldn’t always show how smart she is; some guys find it intimidating. And of course, she should always remember to be a good girl. Doesn’t she know that bad girls don’t get married? If she cannot be good, she could always pretend to be, or she would remain single for the rest of her life.

If she listens to these profound words of wisdom, a responsible man just might show up and sweep her off her feet. Or so she would be told.

But on the flip side, a woman could show just how much she values herself by paying no mind to words flying left, right and center, like arrows meant to put her out of her spinsterly misery. If she doesn’t want to ignore those words for herself, she should do it to keep her sanity. Listening to too many voices is as good as having schizophrenia.

This is not saying she should totally disregard the kind words of people concerning her personal life; after all, some of these people genuinely have her best interest at heart; others even know what’s best for her, and most importantly, she should never forget that some people somehow find some kind of joy and inner peace in minding other people’s business.

A woman should grab the bull by the balls (oops, horn!) and live her life to the max – go places, see people, do crazy things and create memories worth cherishing forever and a day. Since when did being single become a disease far worse than the plague? Life is not about being a Mrs. so and so, is it?

Oh, she is getting old? So what? Her biological clock is ticking? So what? Many women have believed the lie that only marriages can make them complete. How many men share that thought? How many men have sleepless nights as a result of their unmarried state? How many men go through mental and even physical torture crying themselves to sleep because they don’t have a wife of their own? Isn’t it funny that many guys are scared of losing their independence to marriage, while many women can’t wait to lose theirs?

If a guy is bent on eluding the marriage epiphany; if he sees no need to go on one knee and pop the big question (do Nigerian men even do that?), then a single woman should as well enjoy her life to the fullest. So what if a guy hasn’t put a ring on her finger? She should say ‘To hell with it’ and buy her own ring just for the fun of it.

Footnote: This article was first published in happenings9ja.com

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